The Back-Story is the story that tells what led up to the current circumstances. It is a powerful relationship and life enhancement tool. As a Licensed Counselor and Business Coach, I know that when you get stuck in frustration or fury with a friend, client or colleague, your relationship will be negatively impacted. Understanding someone’s Back-Story will diminish your negative thoughts and emotions and keep you from being (unnecessarily) critical or judgmental. This applies to your own back-story too!
The heart of the Back-Story is in the earlier years of life. Growing up you learn appropriate and inappropriate behavior from your parents and other significant adults. When your family norms don’t line up with society’s norms this is not good.
Some families are fine with talking loudly or even yelling. They don’t know that it is inappropriate to talk loudly. The worst scenario is when the recipient gets irritated and tells them in a critical voice to stop talking so loudly. Another person may communicate their frustration non-verbally. Either way the relationship is negatively impacted. This unpleasant interaction creates tension and distance.
Until you understand the Back-Story you are in the dark with no light (compassion) coming through. You need to ask for the back-story from a place of curiosity and caring. I call this Compassionate Curiosity.
Compassion is essential for feeling good in a relationship. The Back-Story expands our awareness and helps us re-focus on what really matters. Don’t bypass this amazing opportunity to improve your relationships and life.
Margo Geller, LCSW
Licensed Counselor, Life, Business and Career Coach
404-218-4559
MarGO@margogeller.com
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