Everyone has something—something that they don’t like but tolerate. What’s yours? Are you ready to do something about it? Are you okay with being a little uncomfortable?
If you put up with something, you tolerate or accept it, even though you find it unpleasant or unsatisfactory.
Your partner or colleague is constantly correcting or criticizing you. There is no padding with something positive. You feel bad and yet you don’t let them know. Instead you pretend to feel fine which is totally not true. You really don’t want to put up with such mistreatment, but you do. You wonder why but that doesn’t make a difference.
One reason why you put up with mistreatment happens when the person who hurts you follows up with a caring gesture (candlelight dinner, doing an unpleasant chore, roses…). With this scenario they are aware of hurting you and don’t want to feel bad or have you be upset with them.
The second reason is tied to childhood (emotional) wounds. These are the times when you needed to feel nurtured or loved and didn’t. When hurtful situations arise your wounds are agitated and your childhood responses kick in—you withdraw, you try to be good, you get angry and end up feeling worse.
Everyone is sensitive to hurtful behavior. Our childhood responses are the ones we are most familiar with (hard wired in our brain). Unfortunately the solution we came up with as a child doesn’t fit the adult world.
Here comes the being a little uncomfortable part… To change this pattern you need to do the opposite of what you usually do. I’m referring to withdrawing, trying to be the “good” girl or boy, or getting angry.
A Seven Step Process:
- Realize the negative consequences of your current coping pattern
- Be certain you are ready for the challenge of changing your ways
- Notice the connection between your behavior and your body sensations
- Focus on softening the tension or tightness in your body
- Breathe in and out slowing inhaling and exhaling.
- Calmly state your feeling as a fact and very succinctly. No emotion or commentary allowed!
- Give it a try. Remember that change takes time and lots of practice!
Get the support you need to share your feelings… especially when you feel bad because someone said something (usually unintentionally) that hurt you. Talk to someone who will understand and offer some good suggestions.
Stop putting up with hurtful situations and have more happiness! Start with small steps and consider starting today 🙂
Be good for you!
MarGO! Professional Counselor, Business, Career and Life Coach
404-218-4559
MargoGeller@Gmail.com
www.MargoGeller.com
