You finally do it. You say NO! I’m not available to help with your project or attend an event. You feel good and possibly proud of yourself. When the response is “Please… I Need YOU!” it’s hard to hold your ground.
Smart Self-Care requires setting boundaries and saying No! This applies to family, friends and relationships at work. Sometimes it’s easy and other times it is very hard to do.
It’s Hard To Say “No!” (set a boundary), When…
- You have a people pleaser personality.
- When the other person is struggling and they let you know!
- You are afraid of a negative consequence.
- You believe it’s not worth it.
Number 1: A people pleaser will Go Along To Get Along, ignoring their own well being. Disappointing someone triggers fear and self sabotaging thoughts.
Suggestion: Start small by saying “No” with a less important person or situation where the stakes are lower for feeling bad.
Number 2: As a caring person you are tempted to put a struggling person’s needs ahead of your own. You end up doing a disservice to them and yourself.
Suggestion: Remember that when you take better care of yourself (by saying No!) everyone in your life benefits. It’s called interconnected.
Number 3: Making negative predictions about the future that you have no way of knowing creates more fear and bad feelings. You won’t hurt a relationship because you set a boundary. It actually shows you care 🙂
Suggestion: Catch yourself when your thinking turns towards negative thoughts. Refocus on a bigger (more accurate) picture by making a list of positive possibilities.
Number 4: When you are convinced the costs will outweigh the benefits it doesn’t make sense to do something difficult. Fear unfortunately clouds benefits and better solutions.
Suggestion: Acknowledge your fears and commit to being courageous. Read “Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, PhD
Doing what’s hard to do doesn’t happen without a strong desire and commitment to pushing past your fears. Once you do it you will be empowered to do it more.
Maintaining (keeping) a boundary can be even harder to do. When the other person gets upset you back down. You dread having to start over. It’s okay if you do. Practice makes perfect! Be patient and please don’t get down on yourself. We don’t need more problems!!
Cheers to Personal and Professional Success!
MarGO!
Margo Geller, MS, MSW, CRC
Professional Counselor and Business and Life Coach
404-218-4559
MargoGeller @Gmail.com
www.MargoGeller.com
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