Feelings are facts. We all have them – good and bad – no matter who we are. To try and deny your feelings wastes your time and drains your energy. When someone says “You can’t possibly feel that way,” well, they are wrong and you are right!
Feelings come and go, and then they come and go again and again! Of all our emotions, anger is the most energizing and life enhancing one. When managed well, anger can help you build better relationships and stay committed to creating a happier life. When I ask… “Are you angry?,” the response is usually “Oh no, I’m not angry.” When I follow up with… “Are you frustrated or irritated?,” the answer is almost always, “yes!” In truth, frustration and irritation are first cousins of anger. Close enough!
A great book about anger is “ANGER: The Misunderstood Emotion” by Dr. Carol Travis. Travis explores and dispels common myths about anger and helps readers understand how to effectively use anger to solve problems. Of course, that approach only works if you let yourself feel your anger.
Feeling bad? Great! Anger is awesome! First, feel your anger and let it lead you toward a solution. Smart people want to start solving the problem right away. It feels good to the ego. It’s what we are taught. Why waste time feeling bad about something if we can fix it. Only whiners and complainers feel bad!
Allowing yourself to first feel the emotion will lead to an even better outcome or solution. Why? Because as most of us already know, emotionally based decisions don’t lead to the best results. Feel the pain and then move on. It only takes a couple minutes. Acknowledge that you feel frustrated by the issue, since it is getting in the way of reaching your goal.
Margo Geller, MS, MSW, CRC
Professional Counselor, Life, Business and Career Coach
404-218-4559
www.MargoGeller.com
