One of the biggest obstacles to achieving greater satisfaction and success is Not Speaking Up. Some call this avoiding conflict. In Business and Life, you will come to a crossroad. You have a choice… to speak up or not. I strongly suggest getting support to push past your discomfort and “Speak Up!”
When and How do you do it? Ideally, you do it in the moment and say one sentence. “Ouch, that hurt!” Or “What you just said made me feel bad.” The sooner the better and it’s never too late because surly it will happen again!
The problem with not speaking up is your hurt feelings build and brew till they are acknowledged, accepted and expressed. Relationships benefit from speaking the truth clearly, calmly and from a caring mindset. Be careful not to use attacking or adversarial words.
A Story… My client Claire was in conflict with her business partner. She reported a critical comment her partner made to her. I thought “Ouch” that was hurtful. When I shared this with my client she reflected for a moment and then acknowledged feeling hurt. She felt relieved.
Someone punches you in the stomach and you say “Ouch, That Hurts!” You don’t speak up when somebody hurts you with words? It’s not our societal norm. You are labeled weak if you admit to being hurt or upset. It’s better to be inauthentic and viewed as an emotionally strong person.
This type of reaction is counter intuitive to having a healthy relationship. To change the way you relate to hurtful or bad feelings starts with a strong desire and a baby step action plan.
A Six-Step Solution for Successfully Speaking Up when Someone Hurts You
- Understand the Costs and Benefits of Not Seeking a Solution
- Be Clear about Why You Want To Do It
- Make sure your Current Emotional Strength is strong enough
- Physically Center Yourself and Connect to Calming Energy before speaking up.
- Say “Ouch, That Hurt!” or “When you said… I felt bad”. Make it short and simple
- Be easy on yourself as This Type of Change is Not Easy.
If you can speak up in the moment that is best. Don’t worry if you don’t. Let the other person know as quickly as possible. Review my six-step process if you need to. It should help quite a bit.
As always, I appreciate you (my blog readers) and welcome your ideas for future blog posts. Thank you in advance!
Margo Geller, MS, MSW, CRC
Professional Counselor and Business, Career, Life Coach
404-218-4559
MargoGeller @Gmail.com
www.MargoGeller.com
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