You act like you aren’t angry when you absolutely are. This is a problem. I’m sure you agree. As a professional counselor I’ve witnessed clients denying their anger for over 40 years. Several years ago it became my mission to help people understand the power of anger and why it needs to be embraced.
Anger is the most valuable and energizing emotion. It’s also the most denied. There are many reasons why you might claim you aren’t mad when you are. Before I discuss the reasons…
How do you know you are angry?
A good indicator is when you feel tightness or tension in your body. This could result in a headache, stomach ache or tight neck and shoulders. A negative mindset or an increase in negative thoughts is another sign of anger or feeling bad emotionally.
Five Reasons you Say You Aren’t Angry when you are…
- Avoiding escalation – You downplay your anger to avoid further conflict or confrontation. Admitting anger can sometimes make a situation feel more tense or stressful.
- Preserving composure – Expressing anger openly can make you feel vulnerable or like you are losing control. Denying your anger allows you to come across as composed or content.
- Saving face – Admitting anger is seen by some as a sign of weakness or immaturity. Denying your anger allows you to project a more “together” image.
- Habit or cultural norms – In some contexts or families expressing anger is discouraged. You may have learned to deny or hide your anger as an automatic response.
- Uncertainty about your feelings – You may genuinely be unsure if you are angry or experiencing another emotion like frustration, hurt, annoyance, disappointment…
When you deny anger it takes a toll on your health, relationships and well-being. It may be subtle but always significant. Anger doesn’t disappear even though you pushed it under the rug. At some point it seeps out and creates more stress. There is no getting away from it.
Get your anger out by yourself! After releasing anger its easier to kindly express how you felt bad after someone said or did… Then it’s time to “Pause” and let them digest. I call this “The Power of The Pause!” Now you can have a productive conversation with neither person being defensive.
Ways to release your anger include…
- Journaling
- Scribbling pressing hard on the paper
- Stomping while running or walking
- Punching a pillow or punching bag
- Screaming where nobody will hear you
- Exercising vigorously
I’m committed to helping people understand the benefits of embracing and expressing anger “appropriately”. Any questions? Feel free to contact me.
Cheers to Anger!
MarGO!
Margo Geller CSW, CRC
Professional Counselor
Personal, Business and Career Coach
404-218-4559
MargoGeller@Gmail.com
MargoGeller.com
