Your feelings are hurt by someone you care about. You wonder if you should say something or if it will somehow make things worse. When done the right way there is no downside. It’s important that they know in order to keep enjoying your relationship.
I’ve learned that when I don’t speak up I’m the one who suffers. If I was feeling bad later on I feel really, really bad. With this realization I became more motivated to push past my fears and find a way to share my hurt without hurting the other person.
Here’s How To Do It…
- Don’t say something right away. Sleep on it and you will likely feel a little better the next day.
- Write in your journal or punch a punching bag! Start writing and let it all hang out! Tell them off and don’t hold back. This is for you and only you. If you don’t like to journal try punching a punching bag or pillow and express your anger out loud.
- Use “I” not “You” statements. An Example is… “You never include me” and “I want to be included.” This puts people off and “never” is a dangerous word. The better approach is “I feel hurt when you don’t include me.” “I’d love to be included.” This softer statement creates greater understanding and a more caring conversation.
- Be patient. It takes time for people to change their communication style. When they haven’t intentionally hurt you they will be motivated to watch their words.
- Speaking up may be uncomfortable and yet not speaking up sets the stage for long term emotional pain. Sounds like an easy choice to me.
- Remember the golden rule! Do onto others as you would have them do to you. You would absolutely want them to tell you if they were angry or hurt by something you said. You definitely didn’t mean to me mean or intentionally hurt them.
Sometimes it isn’t worth saying something. If the relationship isn’t working well and generally not enjoyable then maybe it’s time to say good-bye. Take time to be sure it’s what you want to do. In the meanwhile take a break or spend less time with this person.
It’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to tell someone they hurt you. You want to honor your feelings knowing it’s natural and normal to feel hurt and angry too!
Remember to respect yourself!
MarGO!
Professional Counselor, Business, Career and Life Coach
404-218-4559
MargoGeller@Gmail.com
www.MargoGeller.com
