I’m amazed at how often a client denies being angry. I stopped using that big bad word many years ago. Instead I ask if they are Irritated, Frustrated or Annoyed. The difference in their reactions is remarkable. The truth is all these words come under the Anger Family Umbrella. They are related like first or second cousins.
Why do we avoid saying we are angry and feel fine using frustrated? Anger is associated with being out of control or being a bad person. There are few positive associations with anger. The lesson you learn is to control your anger so it doesn’t control you.
I have a different take on anger. Rather then controlling it I suggest to my clients that they get it out. The key is “on their own”. Your natural inclination is to bring your anger to the other person. You engage in aggressive or passive aggressive behavior. Nobody feels good.
Your anger belongs to you and only you. If you want to feel better or have better relationships try one of my suggestions. I believe anger is our most energizing emotion. Self-Responsibility is a life enhancing value. I hold it in highest regard 🙂
“Get It Out On Your Own” Suggestions:
- Keep an Anger Journal. Use it as needed. Write what you want to say to the person you are angry with. Don’t hold back. You can’t hurt them. This is for you not them. Let it rip!
- Punch on a Punching bag or Pillow. If you are more physically inclined this is a great way to get your anger out. I like to scream at the same time. I promise this one is powerful!
- Run or Walk with the person’s face on the bottom of your shoes. This involves imagination or sometimes people will actually tape a picture to the bottom of their shoes. Try using sound with each pounding step. A grunt or any sound that releases steam!
- Draw or Scribble with a crayon, pen or pencil. With a firm grip draw lines or circles while telling the other person off. You may need several pieces of paper due to making holes from pressing down so hard.
- Scream in the Car or Shower. This one is particularly popular!
Do you have another suggestion? Please share 🙂 Thanks!
MarGO Geller, LCSW
Licensed Counselor and Business, Career, Life Coach
404-218-4559
MarGO@MargoGeller.com
http://MargoGeller.com
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