When someone says they are unhappy why don’t they do something about it? As their friend you offer suggestions which seem to fall on deaf ears. Over time you get frustrated and even angry. You feel helpless to influence them and possibly worried at the same time. Not doing something doesn’t make sense. What happens is Fear of Change and Uncertainty are In Charge.
I often hear “But I love him or her” after someone shares a story about being disrespected, emotionally manipulated or rejected for who they are. Talk about confusing and painful to hear. I cringe inside while staying focused on their feelings. Once I can connect on a feeling level it’s much easier to talk about their underlying fears and insecurities.
With a job it’s different and also similar on the emotional side. You say you are unhappy and know you feel stuck and yet you stay put and suffer. Many times you don’t know where to start. It feels overwhelming to do all that is required to find a new job. It takes courage and commitment to push past procrastination and fear. Becoming open to getting help is the beginning of a breakthrough. With good help it will be a lot easier and even enjoyable :-).
Why Do You Stay In A Relationship or Job Too Long ?
- Fear of being alone (Leaving involves losing connection)
- To protect partner or boss from pain (Forgetting that pain is okay for them and you too)
- Emotional Dependency or neediness (Feeling like you can’t live without…)
- Underlying insecurities and fears (Focusing on what you lack and an unknown future)
- Fear of Loss that comes with change (Losing people, financial security, where you live/work)
My Advice!
- Prepare for leaving. Don’t make an impulsive or quick exit.
- Connect to your network (personal and professional)
- Start researching and exploring new opportunities or possibilities
- Participate in a professional or networking group and a leisure activity with others.
- Be committed to making new friends and specifically someone in your boat.
It’s human nature to avoid discomfort and change. Unfortunately you become more and more dissatisfied and stressed. You can’t feel better without getting more support. As hard as it might be you just have to do it. Talk to friends and family and if it’s not enough reach out for professional help or a support group.
If you or someone you know is suffering please let me know. There are many resources and I’m happy to help you connect to them.
Happiness matters!
MarGO!
Professional Counselor, Business, Career and Life Coach
404-218-4559
MargoGeller@Gmail.com
www.MargoGeller.com
