It happens often. My client shares a “negative” story. When I say “you sound angry” their immediate response is… “No, I’m Not Angry!” The physical expression has arms crossed over their chest and heart. The unspoken message is “Good People Don’t Get Angry.” The truth is… “Yes they do and that is a good thing!”
These clients feel threatened and fear judgement. Even knowing that I won’t judge them they still can’t admit to being angry. In our culture the negative associations are numerous. There are too many sad stories involving mismanaged anger. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Anger is actually a secondary emotion following feeling hurt. Your feelings get hurt or you don’t get the love you want and you start feeling frustrated, irritated and even angry! It’s part of life and having a brain! Our emotional makeup is embedded in our brain.
An Interesting and Useful Fact: When I ask if they are frustrated, disappointed or irritated, they readily agree. In reality these words go under the Anger umbrella. I refer to them as First Cousins of Anger. There are many of them. These gentler and less scary words are easier to say out loud.
One of my missions is to help people understand the positive side of anger. The first step is to pay attention to your body and thoughts. Is your body tight or tense? Has the tone of your voice changed. Are you focused on negative or retaliatory thoughts? If so, then you are angry (including first cousins!).
I created for my clients a unique anger releasing tool. It’s called Scribble and Scream! All you need is paper and a crayon or marker. Draw a simple picture of the person or situation that triggered you to feel frustrated, irritated or ANGRY! Another option is to just start scribbling and let out angry sounds. Growl like a dog or hiss like a cat or make up your own angry sound. Anything goes!
We have piles of anger under the rug or piles of debris from destructive behavior we engaged in while we were angry. Neither contribute to a better life. You have the choice to do it differently. Try a “scribble and scream” and let me know how it goes. I’ll bet you feel a lot better 🙂
Cheers to Personal and Professional Growth!
Margo Geller, MS, MSW, CRC
Professional Counselor and Business and Life Coach
404-218-4559
MargoGeller @Gmail.com
www.MargoGeller.com
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