Saying what’s hard to say is scary! I’m referring to speaking up about something someone says or does that bothers you a lot. Your reflexive response is to deny your pain and hope it doesn’t happen again. Nine times out of ten it happens again and again! What makes you finally speak up?
When not speaking up becomes too much to bear, you are willing to push past your fears. You may plan for the conversation but usually your frustration or anger will just pop out. Yes, it’s not the best approach but at least you did it.
Speaking up about what’s bothering you is vitally important. When you don’t it leads to feeling disconnected and lonely in a relationship. Over time too much pain and suffering can lead to splitting up or being very distant. Unfortunately this happens when it possibly could have been prevented.
Why is it so hard to tell someone you feel bad or they aren’t meeting an important need of yours? What are you afraid of?
I believe your fear comes from the possibility that the other person won’t understand, will get angry or upset or even worse leave you.
So what if the other person gets upset? Can you handle it? You probably know you can but still don’t want to take the risk or feel uncomfortable. If you spent years avoiding and adapting it becomes a bigger challenge. Your brain becomes tightly wired to endure emotional pain which is detrimental to your mental health and overall well being.
I’ve been afraid to speak up many, many times. I know the downside well and don’t want to go there anymore. Now I push myself to “just do it!” Mind you not always right away but pretty quickly.
My clients come to sessions frequently wanting support for sharing something that’s hard to share with their partner, friend, family member or someone they work with. Sometimes they have tried to speak up then stopped since nothing changed. I understand that is very discouraging, but know that you are speaking up for yourself!
My Approach: After a client acknowledges, accepts and expresses their emotions, I help them undo self sabotaging thoughts and negative predictions. Next they practice what they will say, starting and ending with a caring or loving statement. I call this a positive sandwich! Between the slices of bread you simply state (couple sentences) what feels bad or is bothering you, starting with “I” not you!
There are many ways to ensure better results. Timing needs to be considered as well as making sure you are talking about what’s most important and not everything! A weekly “how are we doing” check in is something I highly recommend. Prevention is where it’s at!
Let’s be more courageous in 2024! We can do it!
MarGO!
Margo Geller MSW, CRC
Professional Counselor
Personal and Business Relationships Coach
Call or Text: 404-218-4559
Email: MargoGeller@Gmail.com
www.MargoGeller.com
